Day 4

6/05/2018

I have the feeling I'm living two lives.

After yesterday's roller coaster I don't know if I became wiser or just wicked. I have made a disaster in no time and I just look at it as if they were nothing, so many people involved and affected for my choices and it seems like I don't care, I do not know if I do.
I know I've transformed his life into a nightmare and he still does not believe all this is real. I am there without really being present.
Life is complicated, it had to be. I wonder who is the one who decides over each life, did I lose my chance of doing things right? It seems so. This chaos is out of control I can see devastated hearts but mine is armored, are you the reason?
Everything falls apart until I hear your voice, my body reacts, my brain stops and my heart speeds up. What have you done to me? I cannot recognize myself. How can this be so wrong but feel so right?
For the past 10 days I kept thinking "This is bad in so many levels" but couldn't stay away from you. You are hard to resist but I didn't even try. I had to take the chance of believing our story could be real.
Maybe at the end everything is as you said, a sand castle, an amazing one, but just that. Maybe you are just a test for me. Maybe in fact, feelings dissolve as days go by, but today they are here keeping me alive.
Your voice, your laugh, your sarcasm are already the best part of my day. Do not forget me ...

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